Oy.

Currently I am trying to stay positive and focus on my goals. The only problem I have is I have way to many negative people around me. I have idiots for friends, and "Debbie downers" for family. Sometimes I wish I was born into a different family, but I am stuck with these people. I can on the other hand delete the so called friends from my life. I just can not let shit get the best of me. One a brighter note, I did find my original boxes for my NES and SNES in the attic today. Good times and good memories.

Reality Check

Had a conversation with my friend Andrew. Who swiftly kicked me in my ass and reminded me that life is not suppose to be easy. Before I move again, I am hoping to have some money saved, either 5-10 grand in savings just in case some thing goes wrong. Life is a calm river one minute and a rushing thrill ride the next. It is better to be prepared than to have noting and lose your shirt. Andrew thinks I am out of my mind for wanting to do this. On another note I finished Dishonored tonight. Amazing game, which has a social and environmental message behind it. I hope more people play it. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

Someone once told me to walk away from everyone who holds you back. I am starting to think it also includes my family. I do not think as they do. I do not want to think like they do. The way they think is boring, constricting. We shall see if this is the right choice.

Maybe I am mentally incapable of being human.

Or just not capable of doing anything right. including college. I have rotting teeth and an expanding waistline. I am the perfect example of a loser in our current society. Currently I have mounting debts and no hope on the horizon. What little faith in God I once has has dwindled to almost nothing. While I try and be a law abiding person, I see other who have evil in their hearts have the life i want to live. I know this sounds really fucking stupid, but it is what goes through my mind. Sometimes I want to kill myself, but I don't due to my nieces, I do not want to cause them anymore grief than I already have. I am a fool, a horrible joke God gladly put on this earth for his enjoyment, and the enjoyment of others. Well that is what I think. Oh well. The only thing that gives me joy anymore is Gaming and listening to Trance/DnB music. Sad thing is I know I will die alone. Such is my life.